Thanks Finklestein, my husband has just read the entire thread and annoyed at some of the rubbish I've been listening to over the last few years! He feels you hit the nail on the head and I feel like I have closure on that comment now.
Talesin - in the last year an elders wife died from a brain tumour in my X congregation .. Every card and visitor came out with the same old rubbish (like a cd on play/repeat) - "at least you will see her soon in the new system, that might even happen before the funeral !"
I couldn't believe it, I wrote a card saying how sorry I was for all the pain they were going through as a family not "don't worry we will all be in paradise soon" it's just so damaging and completely invalidates someone's pain (it's also a pure insult to ones intelligence) just like the 'forgive if you want to be forgiven' rule.
He's actually stepped down from duties and declared boldly that the congregation have let him down... Best thing for him to do is leave with his 2 daughters.. so I wonder what will happen with him.